


three times

by shewhoisntnamed44



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Like almost gag worthy amounts of fluff, M/M, Too much fluff., pynch - Freeform, some angst cos obvs, they both would kill me which I wouldn't really mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewhoisntnamed44/pseuds/shewhoisntnamed44
Summary: A gag worthy fuckfest of fluff bout two idiots whom I love way too much.(Mentions of dinner, kinks, small gestures which mean everything and terrifying nightmares which result in highly impulsive consequences. The usual.)





	three times

_1._  
Almost three months had gone by since their quest for Welsh kings and the terrifying almost loss of Gansey. Three months since Ronan and Adam had started... _this_.  
Holding hands under tables, kisses which felt dangerously like willingly jumping off cliffs, tracing the tattoo on Ronan's back just because he wanted to. Pressing lips to every scar, every broken, but healing part of each other.  
_This_.

Academia was still just as important, if not more, than Ronan to Adam Parrish. He may be tired or lazy or bored but he couldn't ignore the pile of homework he received from Aglionby almost every day. Even though he had already been accepted to Princeton. And Havard. And Yale. And mostly every other university he had applied to.

 _"They should revoke your admission if you thought they wouldn't accept you. How can you be that fucking stupid?"_  
Adam had rolled his eyes then, trying to hide his smile and the pride he had felt every time he recieved an acceptance letter.  
Some twisted part of him wanted to shove it in his father's face and say, _see, you don't want me, but they do. They fucking do._

He was at St. Agnes, bent over his books, still completing his schoolwork. Old habits die hard, no one knew that better than Adam.  
It was approximately midnight when there was a knock on his door. Adam knew only one person would visit him at such ungodly hours so he wasn't surprised to find Ronan Lynch standing at his doorstep.  
Ronan brushed past him, lip curling in disgust at seeing the mess of papers and books strewn around his apartment.  
"Didn't you already get into fucking Columbia and some other shit?", Ronan said. As if Ronan didn't know, hadn't memorised the list of colleges Adam had gotten into. Hadn't stayed up at night looking up the distance between them and home.

"That doesn't mean I give up on schoolwork, Ronan. Plus they said I could get extra credi-", Adam couldn't complete his sentence before Ronan had pressed his lips to Adam's.  
It was still new, but so so familiar. Ronan's tiny, prickly hair under his fingers. Ronan's arms around his waist.  
"Shut up, Adam.", Ronan said softly against his lips.  
The way Ronan said his nam-  
"I thought you liked my voice."  
The resulting noise which Ronan emmited was enough of an answer for Adam to actually shut up.  
Adam pulled away first, still encircled in Ronan's arms, his back pressed against the wall.  
Ronan's eyes looked glazed over, both of them were breathing heavily.  
"I hadn't seen you all day.", Ronan said in a way of explaination.

Adam stopped trailing his finger along Ronan's collarbone.

"Couldn't resist my charm huh?", Adam said. As if things like someone driving over to his house in the middle of the fucking night just cos _I hadn't seen you all day_ happened to him all the time.  
As if that one line didn't make him want to drown carelessly into all the serrated, jagged pieces of glass which made Ronan Lynch.  
Ronan's method of replying, which Adam very much approved of, was pressing his mouth against Adam's neck an-  
"I brought you dinner, by the way."  
"What? Why?"  
Ronan lifted his head and looked Adam in the eye, pointing a finger towards Adam's bed, where sure enough, a bag tinged with grease was resting on the floor.  
"No, you're supposed to say, thank you Ronan. Oh you're such a great boyfriend, Ronan. You're the best. I'm so so incredibly, undeniably lucky to have you, Ronan. You're supposed to write fucking sonnets Parrish, didn't you get the memo?"  
Ronan kissed him again.  
"Cos I was sure you hadn't eaten anything that would fill your stomach, fucker. Cos I wanted to."  
Adam had opened his mouth to prote-  
"No. No. Don't fucking fight me on this. I know you like doing things on your own but it's just dinner Parrish. Just fucking eat it. I'll let you buy me shit next time."

It terrified Adam, the unhesitated thought that he wouldn't mind one bit if Ronan cut him into shreds with his sharp edges. Tear him apart until he was nothing. How could he mind?  
He didn't know what to say. Closed his eyes, breathed out once.  
He kissed Ronan's neck.  
"Thank you, Ronan."  
His nose.  
"You're such a great boyfriend, Ronan."  
His cheek.  
"You're the best."  
The spot right next to his mouth.  
"I'm so so incredibly, undeniably lucky to have you, Ronan."  
And Ronan almost growled, that one sound enough to send Adam over the edge. Enough to make him want to surrender and leap off a damn mountain.

"I'm going to get you food every day for the rest of my life, Parrish. Especially if it's going to get me such treatment. Every fucking day."

And Adam smiled. His heart was screaming, singing- _love, lov-_

 _2._  
They're at the Barns. It's a Sunday. Ronan returned from chruch, in a suit. A fucking suit which seems like it was made for him, which perfectly fit around the curves of his biceps in a way Adam isn't opposed to.  
Seeing Ronan out of it, however, is always a better thing of beauty.

It's surreal, Adam thinks, how he came from trailers and being pushed down the stairs hard enough to go deaf in one ear, to this. Waking up without a single care cos he didn't have a shift at Boyd's this particular day. His fingers splayed across Ronan's back. Tracing the tattoo which Adam found endlessly fascinating, even after so many months.  
"Parrish, I think you have a tattoo kink."  
Adam made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat, his body was half on top Ronan's back, his lips had been an inch away from kissing the talon that curved around Ronan's neck.  
"I _do not._ "  
He just liked Ronan's tattoo..a lot. The black lines seemed so sharp and edgy and definitive. There was something appealing and attractive about the designs that draped over the entirety of Ronan's back. Over the muscles which rippled when he moved even the slightest, which he was doing right now. Rolling over onto his back so that he could see Adam's face.

He lifted a hand, and traced Adam's cheekbone so gently that he wanted to close his eyes and sigh.  
"You do, Parrish. C'mon admit it."  
"There's no way I'm lusting after something which costs nine hundred dollars Lynch.", he said, ignoring the look in Ronan's eyes when Adam said _lusting_.  
"So you wouldn't mind if I had it removed?"

Adam leaned forward to press his lips against Ronan's, bare chests pressing against the other.  
"That would cost you even more."  
He felt Ronan smile.  
"Nothing to be ashamed of Parrish, I know that tattoo's pretty hot."  
Adam dropped his head on Ronan's chest, mouth curling despite himself.

"If we're speaking of kinks, Lynch, you dreamt me up fucking _hand lotion._ "  
"Forgive me for doing something nice."  
"You have a hand kink and you know it. Don't hide it from yourself."  
Ronan had pulled Adam up so that their foreheads were touching. His hands were intertwined behind Adam's back. They were lying foot to foot, shoulders pressed against bare shoulders. Looking at him as if his world started and ended with Adam.  
"Atleast I fucking accept it, Parrish."  
Adam felt the tip of his ears go pink and was sure Ronan could feel the heat spreading across his face, seeing as there was barely any distance between their faces.  
"It's okay Parrish, I like that you like it."  
And Adam buried his head in Ronan's shoulder, saying something like, " _Why can't you just keep your damn mouth shut?_ "  
"I fucking checked last night Adam, you like that I can't keep my mouth shut too."

Adam felt the barely constrained laugh that seemed to pass through Ronan right in his bones.

Something undefinably warm, seemed to spread through Adam. It's a regular, normal Sunday for everyone in the world.  
But he has _this_.

 _3_.  
It's the small things.

It's Ronan slipping his hand into Adam's while walking to the grocery store. It's Ronan packing Adam into his BMW when he had nightmares about Cabeswater slipping, bleeding from his fingers and Gansey dying at his hands. It's Ronan letting Adam pay for things, understanding his reasons for doing so in a way Gansey couldn't. It's wearing the same shirt for three days straight cos Adam said it looked good on Ronan.

It shouldn't come as a surprise then to their friends. This almost sacred intimacy Adam and Ronan shared. The palms brushing underneath tables and just one look making Ronan go, " _Fuck you all, we're getting out of here now, Parrish_."  
But it is a surprise.  
Blue's surprised because Adam stops looking like he's planning the most minuscule details of his life when Ronan's around.  
Gansey's surprised because Ronan's edges become less glass and more feather bed corners when Adam barely even glances at him.  
Noah would be surprised at the way they're both so fully into each other, both orbiting around the other as if they're each other's Sun's.

It's endearing, and terrifying, how quickly and completely they both fell for each other.

Monmouth. It's late. Blue and Gansey are spread on the couch, Gansey's head in Blue's lap, her fingers slipping through his hair as if on their own accord. Henry sitting against Blue's legs.  
Adam is leaning against one of the tables which is packed with Gansey's papers, directly opposite the couch.  
It's so quiet, silent. Like a soft, black blanket draped across the world. A night fit for kings and magicians and dreamers and psychics who aren't psychic and Henry.  
Ronan slips out from the kitchen, a pack of beer bottles in his hand.  
He passes one to everyone, appropriate insults like "Dick" and "maggot" and "fucking Cheng" handed along with the bottles.

He predictably settles down next to Adam.  
"The fuck am I going to do here after you all leave?", Ronan asked, head resting against one of the drawers.  
"Don't know, Lynch, you could probably milk some cows.."  
Adam smiled as he saw Blue snicker.  
"Shut the fuck up, maggot. And just for your fucking information, I don't milk cows, excuse you. They're quite capable of milking themselves, give me some damn credit."  
Gansey's inquisitive stare was palpable as he asked,  
"Wait, how does that work?"  
"I don't know, Gansey. I just occassionally find milk in random buckets sometimes. Don't want to know how."  
"Yeah bu-"  
"Wait are we actually having a serious conversation about this?", Henry asked, incredulous.  
"Welcome to the group, Cheng.", Ronan said without any bite to it.

"We'll miss you too, Ronan.", Blue said after a few seconds of silence. "A lot more than what I would've when I first met you."  
"Likewise shorty, likewise."  
"You're going to get stabbed in your fucking sleep Lynch, if you ever call me shorty again."

"You'll miss Adam more than the rest of us, right?", Blue asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes which hadn't seemed to diminish since she found out about them.  
Ronan didn't reply. He didn't lie, after all.

Adam was content with being quiet, with seeing his constellation brighten up around him.  
Ronan intertwined their fingers. Brought Adam's hand up to inspect his knuckles, as if they changed every fifteen minutes.  
He leaned close to Adam's ear, the one which functioned properly.  
"I _will_ miss you the most.", Ronan said. Quietly.  
Adam wanted to say so much more, so much more than _I'll miss you's_ and _I promise I'll see you in a month, Lynch_ and _are you crazy a fucking month I'm driving up there the next week_ , but he didn't know how to. Everything he wanted to say felt inadequate enough to be fit into sentences and shaped into words. So he didn't try.  
Instead, he just pressed his lips against Ronan's head and tightened his grip on Ronan's hand.

To everyone else, it might constitute as small things. But to Adam Parrish, the boy who'd had _small_ and _less_ for most of his life, this was more than the world.

 _4_.  
Robert Parrish was outside the Barns.  
There was a bird watching him. He didn't notice. It watched every step of his. Its hawkeyes raking in every feature of this stranger who was invading her home.  
Slowly, slowly, slowly he pushed the door open. Why wasn't it locked? Robert Parrish smiled to himself, this was going to be so so easy it was laughable.  
He walked quietly up the stairs, every soft footstep caressing the ground like a knife being rubbed against the sole of a shoe.  
The bedroom door was ajar. He pushed it, softly, and saw the tattoed boy sleeping on the bed. The boy who had caused his own son to testify against him.  
Robert Parrish smiled to himself, again. So fucking easy.  
Then he pulled out the gun from his back pocket and  
_Boom_.

The world ended, not with a whisper, but with a bang. The bird outside the Barns flew away.

Adam awoke with a jerk, covered in sweat. He reached blindly for his phone, knocking over the empty jar of water next to his bed.  
It rolled onto the floor with a loud smash, making Adam flinch and apologize to his sleeping roommate.  
His hands were trembling. The dream felt so real, so fucking real. The gun in Robert's hands. Chainsaw's beady eyes. Everything felt real and so so terrible.  
He called Ronan. Once. Twice. Thrice.  
If only that idiot would pick up his phone for once in his damned life, would not leave it on silent. If only Adam could hear his voice, even for a second, everything would be alright.

Anxiety was clawing its way up his intestines, staining everything from his toes to his mouth. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, just the sound of a trigger released, the dreamer lying on his back, Robert Parrish in his roo-  
Seven missed calls.  
It was 1am.  
Adam got out his bed, put on his coat, took his car keys and left his dorm.

Adam Parrish wasn't impulsive. That was Ronan's domain. Adam Parrish studied things, dissected them, segregated them into a million pieces till he could pick one he liked the most. That was how he survived. But when it came to Ronan, all things seemed to be thrown out the window. Ronan wasn't someone to be cut open and inspected. He was someone you saw wholly, a split second decision between diving blind into a river or not. And Adam had. Unflinchingly drowned himself into that river of unpredictability and hope and want, no _need_. 

There was no way he would be able to be at peace, no way he would stop seeing Ronan's blood dripping off his bed, until he was certain it wasn't the truth.

It was approximately a four hour drive from his college to Singer Falls. He made it in two and a half. Ronan would be proud.  
The Barns loomed in front of him. It surprised him, how menacing it could look when light didn't shine on it, when one hadn't previously seen it softened by the sunlight. So much like Ronan it made everything in him ache.

The door to the Barns was open and so was what felt like a hole in his chest. The entire drive, all Adam could think about was..was nothing. His mind had refused to follow it's usual method of compartmentalization, of sense. No, Ronan was too big for that. Too big to be fit into a tiny box inside Adam's head.  
He took a step in, immediately feeling like he belonged. Like the Barns was welcoming him back home. Some tension eased from his shoulders, but something was still furiously biting his insides.  
He took two steps at a time.  
The door of the bedroom was slightly ajar.  
He pushed it open.  
_Unharmed_.  
Ronan was completely unharmed. No blood. _Nothing_.

And the biting inside Adam stopped. His hands clenched into fists. Relief so intense it almost knocked him out. He had to support himself against the wall, swallowing past the lump that had formed in his throat.  
"Fuck.", he muttered softly, fists pressed into his eyes.  
" _Fuck_."  
He wanted to punch something. Wanted to feel anything but this numb relief, the way his broken brain had suddenly started working again, the mere thought of losing Ronan Lync-  
"Fuck.", he was certain his voice had been softer than a whisper, but Ronan's eyes jerked opened.

"Adam?", he asked, voice rough with sleep. "The fuck are you doing here? Is everything alright?"  
Ronan was completely awake, aware that Adam Parrish would never be in his bedroom when he had class the next day, unless something was very, very wro-

"Fifty-seven fucking missed calls. Why the fuck can't you answer your phone, you asshole?", Adam asked, feeling like his throat had been scratched, as if he had been screaming for hours.

Ronan was in front of him now shirtless, barefoot, every trace of sleep forgotten.  
"I don't even kno-"  
"Know where it is. Yeah, I'd thought as much."

"Adam. What the fuck happened?"  
"Nothing. Nothing. Just you- nothing.", Adam said, palms pressed tightly against his eyes trying to unsee, erase, fucking _burn_ the image of Ronan dead from his retinas. 

Of course his father would kill him in Adam's worst nightmare. Of course Ronan's death would be the result of Adam and his _stupi_ -  
Ronan forced his hands aways from his eyes.

"Listen up fucker my blood pressure is inching too high for someone so young right now. Cut the shit and tell me what the hell is wrong so that we can actually fucking do something about it."  
Adam looked at him. Strong, defined jaw. Blue, blue eyes, colour of the earth and everything Adam held sacred. The thought of the world losing someone like Ronan Lynch was downright cruel.

Adam was tired. A bone deep weariness which seemed to engulf him.  
"Can we please lie down?", he said. His head was throbbing.  
Ronan looked at him for a minute, trying to figure out what the fuck had made someone like Adam Parrish so agitated.  
Then he nodded, encircled Adam's wrist in his hand and led him to the bed.

Adam lied down on the bed, his good ear facing Ronan.  
"Jesus, Parrish how are you freezing it's like 40 degrees out here?"  
Adam closed his eyes, hands still shivering slightly from the pent up adrenaline.  
And then Ronan was pulling him in. A hand gently tugging at his waist, shifting his body closer to Adam's, tucking Adam's head between his arm and neck, fingers wound around Adam's hair.

"Breathe."  
And Adam's body uncoiled, the skin which seemed to have stretched tight over his bones loosened, freed him.  
He buried his face deeper into Ronan's bare shoulder, needing to be _close_ even after being close.  
He could feel Ronan's quick inhale on his scalp.

"What's wrong?", Ronan asked, voice muffled by Adam's hair.  
"My dad killed you. Shot you with a gun right here. Where you're sleeping at this moment. Then laughed, god, he fucking laughed Ronan. He took, took _everything_ of mine and then laughed. It felt so real. I saw everything happen and I did nothing to stop it. Like I was scrying. My fault. He said it was my fucking fault, white trailer trash does not deserve this. Does not deserve to be in the same circle let alone the same bed as a Lynch. You were _dead_. And it was _my_ fault.", Adam shuddered. Ronan's grip around his body tightened.

"God he still haunts me Ronan, why do you even want this?"  
He could feel the snarl curling Ronan's lips. Knew it was for his father, not Adam.

"Jesus fucking Christ Adam. Your father, I would kill him for you if I could. A million times over. Jesus Mary fuck he's the only man who incites my homicidal urges. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have nightmares about that. I'm so damn sorry you grew up with that filth.  _Fuck_ _him_. You know that this- this is what I've wanted since, god, I don't even remember a time I didn't want to run my fingers across your lips and wanted you to just hold my hand. I'm not dead. He cannot kill me Adam, he knows if I ever see his face again I'll break every bone in his body. _I'm alive._ Jesus fuck Adam just _this_ , makes me feel alive. What we have, it sets me free. Parrish, I've literally got my fucking nose buried in your hair right now cos I missed the way you smell so damn much. God, do you any ide- you're the first person I've kissed Adam."

"I want you to be my last, too. My last _everything_. My beginning and my end.", Ronan breathed out.  
And something unhinged itself from Adam's chest, opened its cage and flew away.

Love didn't come easily to Adam Parrish.  
_This_.  
He closed his eyes, mouth moving against Ronan's collarbone as he said,  
"I want you to be my last everything, too."             

_This._

**Author's Note:**

> can y'all believe I wrote fucking 13 pages worth of shit which made me want to puke?  
> Hope you enjoyed it! My tumblr's @humongousvoidbear if you wanna shame me for this.
> 
> (The phrase: not with a whisper, but with a bang- is one I read in a V.E. Schwab book called this savage song read it, it's ndksgeuao  
> And "what we have sets me free" is from shameless cos I'm fucking galkavich trash.)


End file.
